PHANTY!
by starburst27
Summary: Raoul pesters Erik with stupidity, Erik goes on adventures, etc
1. Chapter 1

**PHANTY!!!!**

* * *

One day, Erik was making jello. Why? BECAUSE HE COULD DAMNIT! 

anyways, Once he had finished...making...the...jello...um...well...

How do you make jello?

Let me start this over.

* * *

One day, Erik was NOT making Jello. Instead, he was making...music!!!! YEAH! 

So anyways, Erik was making music when Raoul ran in screaming.

"I ACCIDENTALLY KILLED CHRISTINE!!" he screamed. The Phantoms eyes bugged out.

"YOU WHAT?!?!?"

"Hah! April Fools!"

Erik strangled him.


	2. moo

**PHANTY!!!!**

* * *

One day, Erik was making a pathetic attempt to draw a picture of a cow. It was a pathetic attempt because Raoul had been hitting his arm repeatedly for the past 15 minutes. Erik sighed.

"What is it NOW Raoul?" he asked. Raoul grinned.

"I drew a chicken!" he exclaimed, holding up a drawing of an elephant. Erik slapped him.

"THAT'S AN ELEPHANT YOU MORON!!!" he yelled.

"No it isn't! It's a chicken! And it's magical too!" Raoul complained.

"A magical chicken?" The phantom asked. Raoul nodded.

"Yes. And it is the father of sofas. Magical Sofas of goodness!"

The phantom sighed and grabbed Raoul by the shoulders.

"Raoul. I know that this may be hard for you to understand, but it is impossible for elephants to be the father of...sofas" Erik explained.

"oh...well...does that mean that it's not a chicken?"

"Yes"

"oh...Is it--"

"no"

"what about--"

"no"

"I HATE YOU!!!" raoul cried, and he ran away.

Erik resumed drawing his cow hoping that Raoul would not return. Foolish Phantom. You will never be rid of Raoul!


	3. Raouls party 1

**PHANTY!!!!**

* * *

Erik was playing the organ when Raoul covered his eyes. 

"Guess who!" raoul said excitedly. Erik sighed.

"Raoul" He spat. Raoul frowned and removed his hands from Phantys eyes.

"How'd you know?" he asked sadly.

"I knew because you've been doing that everyday for a year"

Raoul grinned stupidly.

"Yup! And ya know what? Today is the aniversary of the first time I ever did that! Let's throw a party!"

"No"

"...Please?"

"No."

"THROW A PARTY OR ELSE I'LL EAT CHRISTINES HEAD!!!" Raoul demanded.

"FINE! Fine! We'll have a stupid party" Muttered Erik.

Several hours later, they were all ready to have a party.

"Raoul, you do realize that we have no one to invite to this party" Erik pointed out.

Raouls eyes widened and they began to fill with tears.

"Oh...OH GOD!!!! I HAVE TO GO MAKE SOME FRIENDS!!!" Raoul screamed, and he ran out of the batcave.

Erik smirked and began playing the organ cuz he's obsessive like that.

"Finally got rid of him" he muttered.

Suddenly, a candle hopped up on Eriks organ.

"I'm a cursed man who's been turned into a candle!!!! SAVE ME!"

Erik gave up on trying to play the organ and decided to stalk Chrisitne instead.


	4. Raouls party 2

**PHANTY!!!**

* * *

It was the next morning that Erik awoke to the sounds of loud party music. 

Meanwhile at Raoul...

Raoul was pouring himself some punch when Erik walked up to him looking very confused.

"What the hell are all these people doing in my batcave?" he said. Raoul laughed like the Fop he is.

"They're partying, my deformed friend. Isn't it rather obvious?" Raoul replied. Phanty wondered to himself why Raoul had to exsist.

" Why can't they party at your house?" Erik spat. Raoul laughed his little laugh again.(FUN FACT: starburst hates alliterations)

"Because my house doesn't have water, my deformed friend." He answered.

"What difference does that make?"

"Well you can't very well go swimming without water can you?"

Erik turned his head to look at the mass of water which was full of people. He turned back to Raoul.

"I hate you"

"I know you do, my deformed friend. I know you do"

"..."

Raoul walked away into the crowd of people.

Had Erik not just woken up, he would have punjabbed them all and ate their guts for dinner. But he had just woken up so this idea did not yet process in his mind.

A girl dressed completely in black walked up to him. She had a fuckload of make-up on and she was smoking. (If you correctly guess who this girl is, then you get to be in the next, and final, part of Raouls party)

"You do know that Masks are so out of fashion right?" The girl asked obnoxiously.

"You do know that it is not humanly possible for me to care less right?"

"Egh. Poser." remarked the girl and she walked away. Erik narrowed his eyes at the pale-faced girl and swore that he would kill her later.

Just then, Homer Simpson walked by carrying a donut and wearing a party hat.

Erik went back to sleep.


	5. The ending that makes seemingly no sense

******PHANTY!!!**

* * *

It was actually pretty stupid for Erik to go back to sleep. You see, right after he had done that, Raoul poured a gallon of bubblebath in the water. Then, a couple of his new friends proceeded in sacrificing a goat right on top of his organ. Needless to say, the intrsument became very bloody. ( no really?) 

Raoul grinned like the FUCKIN FOP that he is.

"What a great par--"

Sadly, Raoul was not able to finish his sentance, for, at that exact moment, he was eating by a very confused looking George bush and everyone at the party ran away.

* * *

**I'll explain what just happened in a future chapter. Trust me. But for now, this is the end of Raouls party. **

(bwahahaha. Nobody guessed who the girl was so she will forever be a mystery!)

starburst signing out.


	6. ERik

**Here we go AGAAAAAAAIN!**

**This is my introduction. Beware of it.**

* * *

One night, Erik (fucking facial deformity!) was 

...okay that was strange.

One night ERik (you have to emphasize the ER part) was waxing a turtle. The turtle seemed very upset about the whole ordeal.

ERik stood up and proudly examined the turtle. It was now so shiny, that you could see your reflection in it.

ERik frowned. He didn't like his reflection. (Hence the fucking facial deformity)

SUDDENLY, The fop fell from the celling and landed squarly on top of the turtle. He wiped his muddy feet all over it.

"There ya go ERik! Now you don't have to look at your ugly face!" Raoul said. ERik pushed him off the turtle.

"YOU IDIOT! THAT'S WHY I WEAR A MASK!!!!" he screamed.

"I think I'm cool!" Raoul said.

"WHAT?! SHUT UP!" ERik screamed, and with that, he took out his magical PUNJAB LASSO!

The punjab lasso is avalible at fine weapons store near you. Copyright to those mean grumbly people who won't share 1591. You can buy YOUR lasso today for only three easy payments of 9.99! AND if you call RIGHT NOW, you can get TWO lassos for the price of one! call NOW!

ERik punjabbed Raoul, the fop.

ERik turned back to the turtle and began to rewax it.


	7. Fathers day

**PHANTY!!**

* * *

One fine day, Gaston Leroux was sitting in his armchair sipping some tea and reading the paper,

When suddenly, Erik lunged at him.

"DADDY!" he cried. Gaston's eye's bulged out and he screamed.

Erik tackled Gaston to the floor.

"IT'S FATHERS DAY, DADDY!" Erik exclaimed, "So I decided to get you a present!"

Gaston sighed.

"What is it this year Erik?" Gaston asked. Erik grinned widely.

"WELL, I thought long and hard about what you'd like most and I finally decided to get you...a massively large chainsaw!!" Erik squeeled as he held out Gaston's gift.

Gaston Chuckled.

"That's mah boy!" he said and he patted Erik on the back.


	8. Sexual side effects

**PHANTY!!**

* * *

One day, Erik was looking into a mirror and noting that his hair was falling out. He frowned and pulled at it. A large chunk came out. Erik gasped.

"I'm going bald!" He shrieked and he turned on his television to the hair loss channel. (I seriously have a channel like that on my TV)

"Hey there!" Said the announcer dude, "Are you sick of people commenting on how your hair is falling out?!"

"Yes!" Erik said as he got closer to the TV.

" And are you tired of itchy balding creams that don 't work?!" He asked again.

"Yes!" Erik yelled as he got on his knees and grabbed the TV.

"AND DO YOU WANT FAST HAIR GROWTH NOW?!"

"YESSSS!! OH GOD YES! WHATEVER YOUR SELLING, I NEED IT!! STOP TALKING AND JUST GIVE IT TO ME!" Erik bellowed.

Meanwhile at Eriks neighbors...

Arnold looked out the window.

"Martha, the crazy masked man is at it again"

"This neighborhood I swear!"

Back at Erik...

"AND ARE YOU BALD?!"

"YES!! YES I AM!! CAN'T YOU SEE?!" Erik screamed as he rubbed his balding scalp against the TV screen.

"If so, then you need this scalp-med! It totally works, yo!" the announcer informed Erik.

Erik screamed some incomprehensible gibberish and ripped the TV off of his wall and threw it out the window.

"**_I NEED SCALP-MED!!"_**

Erik ran to the store immeidetly and grabbed a bottle of scalp-med.

"HUZZAH!!" he cried and he began to read the description on the bottle.

"_Fast hair growth! No wigs, no toupees! Warning: May contain sexual side effects"_

Erik frowned. He didn't have a very active sex life, so the product was probably safe to use.

He opened the bottle and began to rub it all over his head.

15 minutes later...

Erik was staring into a mirror angrily. Why wasn't this working?! The bottle said that it would only take about five minutes!!

Erik had a sudden realization and gasped. He must be having one of those sexual side effects!! But what could it be?!

When out of nowhere, a naked woman walked over to Erik and got on top of his head.

"Oh. I guess that's what they meant by sexual side effect."


	9. Sexual side effects 2

**PHANTY!!**

* * *

One day, Erik walked over to Christine and grinned widely. He was being followed by hundreds of men.

"Look Christine! The scalp-med made me popular!" He proclaimed.

"Erik! You're not popular! Your naked woman is!" Christine spat.


	10. vicomte?

**Mooooooo**

**Erik takes a shower. _NEKID._**

* * *

One day Christine approached Raoul.

"Just what IS a Vicomte anyways?" she asked. Raoul pondered this for a moment.

"I...I don't know."

* * *


	11. chatroom

**I ARE EATING SUNFLOWER SEEDS.**

* * *

Erik looked at the computer that Christine had bought him. He shrugged and got onto chatwithfriends dot com.

He logged on and went into a random chatroom.

Lvn corpse: ...I hate my screename

Lvn corpse: Christine said I would like the computer but she lied. I hate it. sigh

Lvn corpse:...

_(fattoman49 has joined the chat)_

Fattoman49: Hey there.

Lvn corpse:...fgjsrhdvler sei :(

Fattoman49: Heh heh heh...So...are you a guy?

Lvn corpse: I am indeed.

Fattoman49: Hey waitaminute...Lvn Corpse...does that stand for living corpse?

Lvn corpse:...(sob) yes

Fattoman49: Is you name Erik?

Lvn corpse: Who are you?

Fattoman49: It's me! Your goods ol' friend Javert!!

_(Lvncorpse has left the chat)_

Fattoman49: damn.

* * *


	12. Chatroom part two

**I ARE NOT EATING SUNFLOWER SEEDS NOMORE.  
**

* * *

Erik sighed and logged onto a different chat website.

His screename was far less recognizable this time.

(_OperaPhantom has entered the chatroom)_

OperaPhantom: This screename is much better. :)

OperaPhantom:...Christine is nice...:)

(_Iluvmaskman has entered the chatroom)_

OperaPhantom: Great, another person. Now I have to leave.

Iluvmaskmen: W8!

OperaPhantom: Beg Pardon?

Iluvmaskmen: Where r u goin?

OperaPhantom: I'm leaving, thank you.

Iluvmaskmen: Y?

OperaPhantom: I'm afraid I'm having difficulty understanding you. Goodbye forever.

(_operaPhantom has left the chat)_

Iluvmaskmen: aw man

(_fangurl99 has entered the chatroom)_

(_PhanaticPhanPhreak has entered the chatroom)_

(_MrsErikthephantom has entered the chatroom)_

Fangurl99: Did you get Erik's address?

PhanaticPhanPhreak: Did you get his address?

MrsErikthephantom: I LOVE ERIK!!

Iluvmaskmen: Sorry. Our plan failed. We'll have to try again.

(_Starburst27 has entered the chatroom)_

Starburst27: LOLOLOLOLOLLLLLOOOOOOOLLLLLL I AM AWESOME.

_(Starburst27 has been blocked)_

PhanaticPhanPhreak: I hate Starburst.

Fangurl99: Ohmygod! She's so annoying.

MrsErikthePhantom: I LOVE ERIK!!

* * *


	13. The author spazzes out

WHEN SUDDENLY AND WITHOUT WARNING, ERIK BEGAN TO DO THE CONGA!! ALL BY HIMSELF! WITH NOONE ELSE!! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE ?! NOONE KNOWS!! EXCEPT FOR ERIK! CUZ HE KNOWS EVERYTHING!! HE EVEN KNOWS WHERE YOU WERE LAST NIGTHT! AND THE NIGHT BEFORE THAT AND THE NIGHT BEFORE THAT! OMG STALKER!! HE A STALKER JUST LIKE KANGAROO! KANGARRO! OPH HOW THEY DANCE TO THE MUSIC OF THE NIGHT! DAD DE DA DE DA!! OH THE FISH STICKS HOW GLORIOUS ARE THEY! BUT ONLY FIRED AND BITEN! NOT SAUCERED WHATEVER THAT MEANS! MAN I COULD GO FOR SOME BURRITOS RIGHT ABOUT NOWq WHAT ABOUT YOU MR FISHY?! HUHz? HUH?! ANSWER ME DAMNIT!! GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHY DOESN EVERYBODY HATE ME SOOOOO MUCH! I'M SO EMO RIGHT NOW I'MN CGONNA CUT MYSELF AND HOLY CRAP THE TAX DEDUCTIONS OF AMERICQA IS RIGHTOUES AS A BARNEYSICLE!! DAMN IT ASLL WHERE'S MY FOSTERS HOME FOR IMAGINARY FRIENDS?! I CAN'T FIN IT ANYWHERE?! CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHERE IT IS LIKE NAOW?! OMG OMG OMG OMG! ERIK IS SO SEXXY BUT NHO CUZ HE'S UGLY LIKE ATHE UGLY DUCKLING

ONCE APON A TIME THERE WAS AN UGLY DUCLKLING THAT WAS SO UGLY THAT EVERYBODY DIED THE END.

JUIODRJIKMMN OMG WHERE DID THE LAS5T PIGG7 GO? BUT I HATWE IT WHEN PEOPLE QWUOTES GIR LIKE HE'S GOD OF SOMETHING!! GIRN ISN'T ALL THAT GREAT YOU IDIOTIC PEOPLES OF AMERICANSIANA!!GLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPOOPYPOOPYPOOOP!!

THERE'S ONCE WAS A MAN NAMED PERU FROM PERU WHO PERU'D ALL DAY LONG AND NIGHT. WHY WAS HE SO GAY?! CAN IT EVER BE EXPLAINED?! NOT BY ANY MORTAL MEANS THAT IS!! OMG HOW CAN I LIVE KNOWING THAT I;M CRQAZY!! IT'S JUST NOT POSSSIBLE DAMNBIT! UNICORNS! WHERE DID THE FORK GO ANYWAYS? TRIFORK! DAMNED JUMPING FISH TELLING ME LIES ABOUT ZELDA!! WHO GAVE THEM PERMISSION TO TALK?! NOT THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA THAT FOR SURE I THINK I NEED MORE SUGAH!

okay so I was hyper. yeah. Ummmmm...I might as well post this as a chapter.

* * *


	14. Poor lonely Erik

**Ha ha I like pie**

* * *

One day Erik was just sitting around reading a book all normal like (except for his face! That wasn't normal! Ho ho ho!) when suddenly, ummm...Nadir (Daroga) ran over!

"Hey there Erik! I just wanted to tell you that you are my best friend ever!" He said, and he hugged Erik. Erik frowned and glanced about his batcave nervously.

"ummm...I-I like you too Nadir.." He said.

When suddenly (I use that transition alot) Christine, Madam Giry, and his lovely kitty Ayesha walked over.

"We love you too Erik!" They said in unison. Erik's eyes filled with tears of joy.

"I'm surrounded by people who care about me...I...I'M SO HAPPY!!"

And then Erik's fantasy popped and he realized that he was still sad and alone in his batcave.

"Aw Damn it all"


	15. Mothers day

**rides in on a unicorn HELLOOOOOO!**

* * *

One fine day Erik was drawing a picture of a flower with a smiley face on it. He drew himself and a woman next to it.

" Hee hee! Mommy will love this!" He giggled.

Meanwhile at Susan Kay...

"MY NAME IS SUSAN KAY, AUTHOR OF PHANTOM!" She exclaimed. When suddenly, ERik tackled her to the ground.

'HI MOMMY!" He screamed.

"Hello Dear. Do you need something?" She asked. Erik giggled.

"I made you a card for mothers day!" He said and he presented her with the card. Susan chuckled.

"That's mah boy!"


	16. eriks family

**guuuuuuuh**

* * *

One day Erik walked over to his crazy aunt and uncle.

"Aunt ALW, Uncle Fredrick, why are you making a sequel?" he asked sadly, "I don't wanna dress up like a clown"

His aunt sighed.

"Because Erik. I'm being a money hungry whore and even though your uncle, Fredrick forsyth, wrote the worst adaptation of you stroy ever, I am going to make it a musical just because he is my husband." Aunt Andrew explained. Erik looked down at his feet.

"But Phantom of Manhattan was a terrible book! And Christine gets shot in it..." He said wiping away a tear.

Uncle Fredrick growled at him.

"I DON'T CARE. YOU ARE GOING TO DRESS UP LIKE A CLOWN AND YOU ARE GOING TO DAMN WELL LIKE IT!" he screeched.

"I HATE YOU GUYS!! I'M GONNA GO HANG OUT WITH UNCLE MICHAEL!" erik screamed and he ran over to Michael Crawford.

Michael hugged Erik.

"It's okay Erik. I feel your pain" he said.

"You do?"

"No, not really" and with that Michael Crawford was chased away by rabid fangirls. (which included myself)


	17. NEED MOAR CHEEZ?

**I WISH I KNEW HOW TO PLAY THE VIOLIN  
**

* * *

**Damnit I can't write right now...I'm to bothered by the fact that I can't play violin :( uuuuugggggghhhhhh...**

**I'm listening to the beatles.**

**CUZ THE BEATLES PWN.**

**yeah.**

**Shoooooooooooo...well lets get this thing started then.**

* * *

Erik looked up at the sky. He was lonely so cold and alone...shivering in the darkness, lost and afraid. Tears began to stream down his face. The darkness was consuming him. It ate at his soul and soon there would be nothing left of him. He screamed. The pain was intolerable. He was sure in this moment of anguish that he truly wanted to die. But God would not let him go that easily. No. Erik would not be able to die a merciful death. It would be dragged on for what seemed like hours that seemed like days.

Erik drew a panting breath, hoping he would be gone any moment now. He was wishing that in seconds the pain would end. A lifetime of torment and misery would finally come to a screeching halt.

And it did.

BECAUSE AT THAT EXACT MOMENT CHRISTINE DANCE OVER IN A MONKEY SUIT AND THE YELLOW SUBMARINE (awesomest song EVAR) STARTED PLAYING REALLY REALLY LOUDLY!

"AH RA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHADITTY CHADITTY CHA CHA CHA CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" she sang and then she extended her arm to the broken hearted little Erik.

Erik took her hand excidetly and stuck a rose in his teeth.

"OH! MY LOVE! YOU ARE AS FINE AS THE MOONLIGHT!" he he proclaimed to the heavens romantically, "ah ha ha ha! haa..."

The two of them were suddenly in red mexican outfits. They proceeded in doing the tango to 'the yellow submarine'. It was exotic. It was thrilling. It was breath-taking.

IT WAS ILLEGAL.

And it was because of this illegalness that the police drove over really really quickly and arrested Erik. The next thing he knew, he was in a prison for the crazys!

Christine walked up to the bars with great, sparkling tears welling in her eyes. She sobbed a bit, and then regained her composure. She looked Erik straight in the eye.

"Erik...why?" she asked. Erik looked down, ashamed.

"I'm sorry..."

"But why?"

" I SAID I WAS SORRY!" he yelled and he slammed his fist against the wall. Christine was taken aback by his sudden rage. She took a deep breath.

"No Erik...I'm sorry...I'm sorry I can't love you. Do you hear me Erik? I can't love you! I can't love you because of what you are!" she screamed. Erik looked at her.

"...And what am I?" He whispered. Christine glared back at him.

"You're a monster!"

There was a long silence that seemed to drag on for eternity. BUT NOT REALLY CUZ AT THAT MOMENT ERIK TWISTED THE BARS, GRABBED CHRISTINE AND SWUNG AWAY ON A TREE VINE!

"UGGHA UGGHA I ARE ERIK." he grunted. Christine giggle like a little schoolgirl. WHICH SHE SUDDENLY WAS.

"Oh Erik! You're so manly and full of chest hair!" she laughed.

And on cue, Eriks shirt ripped open and his chest exploded with hair.

Hey...have you evar noticed how Tarzan doesn't have a beard...? That's so wierd.

HOLY CRAP I RHYMED.

I'm bored of typing. I'm gonna continue this(?) later.

* * *

**FLAPJACKS  
**


	18. Childbirth?

**GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RACHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLL! *flail***

**Oh Harvey Dent. We believe in you.

* * *

**One day Starburst27 was sitting at the computer trying to update her fanfic entitled "Phanty". She was at a loss for ideas, so she turned to her sister, Magi.

"Okay Magi. I'm trying to update "Phanty". Give me a good topic about Erik." Starburst27 said.

"Childbirth" magi blurted out.

They both laughed and Starburst27 got to work on the next chapter of Phanty.

* * *

**TWENTY BUCKS TO THE FIRST PERSON WHO GUESSES WHAT THE NEXT CHAPTER IS GONNA BE ABOUT.**


	19. childbirth part 2

**This morning, I was dancing in my underwear, mouthing the words to "it's so easy to fall in Love" By Linda Rondstat.  
**

**Just thought you should know.

* * *

**One day Erik was going through childbirth.

**Okay scrap that.**

One day Erik was sitting around in his batcave and Raoul ran over flailing his arms.

"ERIK!!! HELP!" he screamed. Erik punched him and got back to his book entitled "_Why has nobody killed Stephanie Meyer yet?_".

Raoul frowned and then Christine ran over as well.

"Erik, will you teach us where babies come from?" she asked hopefully.

Erik grinned.

"Well I would, but first you have to look at this website okay?" he said. Christine smiled and looked at it.

It was a website about how childbirth works. BUT NOT A PORN SITE. :{

Christine smiled.

"Oh! I get it now!" she said. Erik nodded.

"Now look at this website." he said.

**(FANFIC DOT NET WON'T LET ME SAY ALL OF THE URL SO YOU'LL HAVE TO TYPE THE WORD "YOUTUBE" BY YOURSELF.)**

.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0 was what the URL was. (minus the youtube part that you have to type in at the beginning.

Suddenly the reader of the fanfic shit them self with excitement.

"OMG STARBURST27 WAS GIVING THEM A LINK TO HER FAVORITE WEBSITE. I MUST SEE WHAT IT IS." The said in unison.

Christine looked at the website as well.

"Wow! This website is so cool and funny! I love it!" she laughed.

Erik nodded.

"I actually made the website" he said. Christine gasped and clapped her hands.

SUDDENLY THEY ALL EXPLODED.


	20. Crappy birthday

**ONCE UPON A TIME YOUR MOTHER.

* * *

**Erik yawned, got out of bed, changed his underwear (LOL ERIK WEARS BOXERS WITH CHRISTINES FACE ON THEM) and put his clothes on. He poured himself some Gaara-O's classic cereal and began eating. When he was finished, he threw the dishes in the sink and plopped down on the couch. He was having a miserable day the was made worse by himself seeing his reflection in the spoon he used for his cereal. Erik sighed and looked at the calender. There was a big frowny face written on the current day.

He groaned. It was his birthday and that meant that Raoul would be over annoying him all day.

Erik hated his birthday. He hated it so freaking--Hey I just remembered something. I saw this really funny youtube video about Erik. It was the 2004 Gerik version to the song "You're a mean one mr. grinch" It was a great video. I added it to my favorites. Hey, if anyone wants to look me up on youtube, my screename is chizip27. But enough about me. Tell me about yourself. Oh? You're gay? really? Gasp! And you have sex dreams about McCain?! Fascinating!

After starburst27 finished up with being an idiot, Erik got up to lock his door. WHEN SUDDENLY, RAOUL AND EDWARD CULLEN RAN IN.

AND THEN I RAN IN AND BRUTALLY MURDERED EDWARD CULLEN FOR DISGRACING VAMPIRES WITH HIS LOATHSOME, DISGUSTING, HORRENDOUS SPARKLEYNESS. AND HE DIED A MOST PAINFUL, EXCRUCIATING DEATH. And there was much rejoicing.

Raoul hugged Erik.

"Hello my dearest friend! Do you know what TODAY is?!" Raoul, whom is way more manly than edTard cullen, asked.

"Screw you" Erik replied and he pushed Raoul away. Raoul smiled and patted him on the head.

"Today is your 55th birthday silly!" Raoul informed.

Erik groaned again.

"I KNOW that it's my birthday. Now leave me alone."

Raoul frowned.

"Don't you wanna celebrate?"

"no"

"Why not?"

"Because I loathe my existence."

".....what does loathe mean?"

Erik sighed and walked into his room. Raoul, being Raoul, followed him.

Erik glared at him and shut himself inside of his coffin. Raoul grinned and took out a cake.

"Haaappy biiiirthday tooo yooouu!" he sang.

"GO TO HELL" yelled Erik from inside the coffin. Raoul burst into tears and ran away. Turtles are cool. I wish I had a turtle. Or some cookie dough....mmmmm....cookie dough.

When suddenly, and without warning, the chapter ended.

* * *

**"BEWARE" Said Gwynplaine.**

**"What are you doing?" questioned.....somebody.**

**"YUR MOTHER" answered Gwynplaine.  
**


	21. OOC

**ONCE UPON A TIME YOUR FATHER.

* * *

**One day Erik was drunk. Very, very drunk. So drunk that he began to do something stupid.

Erik, the phantom of the opera, began to skid around on his butt singing the hokey pokey in spanish.

Christine and Nadir were not drunk. And they were very concerned with what Erik was doing.

"Erik! Stop! You're hurting yourself and everyone who loves you!" Christine cried. Nadir nodded and put his hand on Christines shoulder.

"NEVAR!" he exclaimed. Chrisitine began to sob into Nadir. Nadir patted her on the back.

"There there"

Gaston Leroux and Susan Kay walked in.

"We came as quick as we could. Is it serious?" Gaston asked. Dr. House looked down sadly.

"I'm sorry sir...but your son is.....OOC." House explained. And then he dissapeared because I really don't like him that much. I prefer my TV doctors to believe in unicorns. Like JD and Turk.

Gaston sobbed. Susan sobbed as well. Suddenly, Micheal Crawford ran in with Aunt andrew and Uncle fredrick.

Aunt Andrew sighed.

"This is all my fault....If only I had treated him better" she winced.

Aunt Andrew and Susan Kay hugged passionately and then they both ran away crying.

Gaston, MICHEAL, Uncle Fredrick and Christine all approached Erik. They put their hands on him tenderly and then....They all left to grab a beer.

* * *

**HULK SMASH!**


	22. Mpreg

**ack :(

* * *

**One day Erik discovered Fanfiction.

He did not like it. Not one bit.

One particular fanfiction jumped out at him though. One fanfic stood out from the rest of the mary-sues, and E/R slash and Gerik crap. No, this fanfic was slightly different.

This fanfic had a little something we like to call.....M-preg.

Now, if you DON'T know what M-preg is.....consider yourself lucky.

And If you DO know what M-preg is...well....I feel your pain.

But yeah Erik clicked on an M-preg cuz he was curious. Christine walked over while Erik was in the middle of the fanfic.

"Whatcha readin'?" she asked. Erik spun around and looked at her.

"I AM NOT A WOMAN! I CANNOT BEAR CHILDREN!!" he screeched. Christine took a step back (to the future).

"Umm...I never said that you could." christine muttered. Erik slammed his head against the desk which is what I feel like doing right about now. And then I would scream about how nobody understands me. And then I'd go....get....some....pudding....

PUDDING.

author: *stands up to go get pudding*

author: mmmm pudding.....yummy

story: why do you always abandon me to get pudding?

Author: shut up bitch

Christine put her hand on Erik's shoulder.

"It's okay, man...It's okay"

Suddenly, Erik morphed into the incredible hulk and grabbed Christine. He held her up to his face and screamed at her.

Saliva got all over her head.

"Ooh! How erotic!" She laughed.

Starburst27 read over what she just wrote. That....that was pathetic.

But she was to lazy to finish the chapter so she just posted it as it was.


	23. slurp slurp

**YOU'RE A WOMANIZER WOMANIZER WOMANIZER WOMANIZER OHHHOOOHHHH **

**HOLY SHIT-CAKES BATMAN! STARBURST27 LIKES WATCHMEN YAOI!eeeeeewaaaauuuugggghhhh!!!

* * *

**oNE DAY

a-hem...

One day christine was walking down to Eriks lair. Magi, will you turn on the fan? It's so hot in here!

I like piza. erm..pizza.

Anyways, Christine walked into Eriks house and what she saw there shocked and amazed her. Christine screamed and pointed.

There, standing in a wife beater T-shirt and a pair of boxers with christine face on them, was Erik. And he was drinking milk.....

**STRAIGHT OUT OF THE CARTON.**

Christine fainted and Erik dropped his milk carton in pure agony.

"aw crud" Erik sighed.

* * *

**TELL ME A STORY.**


	24. Do one now

**Disclaimer:**

**UUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY NAME IS MAGI AND I LIKE EWIK. DDDUUUUUHHHHHHH I THINK THAT ETAHIS IS SEXXY DUUUUUHHHH**

**OOOH NOW I'M HARRIET AND I LOVE JAAAAAY. EWWWWWWWW.

* * *

**Once, upon, a, time Christine walked outside to discover Erik rolling ion the ground and giggling insanely.

Christine sighed and approached Erik.

"Erik, what are you doing?" she asked angrily.

"I'M DOING A BARREL ROLL!!!" He exclaimed. Christine shook her head and walked back inside.

* * *

**THE ORANGE JUICE THAT I JUST DRANK TASTED HORRID.**


	25. friends

**easy go**

**little high**

**little low**

**anyways the wind blows**

**doesn't really matter**

**to me**

**to me**

**mama just kill the man**

**put a gun against his head**

**pull the trigger **

**now he's dead.**

**mama**

**life had just begun**

**but now i've gone and thrown it all away**

**mama**

**ooooohhhooohhhhhh**

**didn't mean to make you cry

* * *

**

One day Erik was sitting in his batcave and reading a book entitled "_Why has nobody killed miley cyrus yet?"_. It was the sequal to the book that he was reading in chapter 19.

Erik smiled. He was enjoying his book. But suddenly, his day was ruined by Raoul walking up to him.

"Hey Erik. How's it goin'?" Raoul asked. Erik sighed and rubbed his temples.

"Horrible" he muttered. Raoul looked at him sadly.

"Aw, what's wrong?" he asked sympathetically. Erik set his book aside.

"Well, I'm a miserable, insane, deformed old man and the love of my life has been stolen away from me by a complete and I have no real friends." Erik spat. Raoul pretended that he knew what Erik was saying.

"I see. Well....I'll be your friend!" Raoul suggested. Erik smiled.

"Really?" He asked hopefully. Raoul nodded.

"Yeah!"

"NEAT! I HAVE A FRIEND!" Erik exclaimed.

There was a long akward silence. Raoul turned to Erik.

"Hey Erik, did you know that if your hand is bigger than your face, then you have cancer?" Raoul asked while he was suppresing a chuckle.

Erik looked shocked.

"Really?" he asked. Raoul nodded.

Erik placed his hand on his face.

Raoul smashed Etiks hand into his face forcefully.

"OW! YOU BASTARD!" Erik screamed as Raoul ran away giggling.

The next day, Erik tried this trick on Raoul.

Raoul had completely forgotten about the trick and he fell for it.

Twice.


	26. meh

**Is this the real life?**

**is this just fantasy?**

**caught in a landslide**

**no escape from reality**

**open your eyes**

**look up to the skies and see**

**..................................**

**seriously guys.....do any of you know what that poem thing is from?**

**

* * *

**Christine began walking down to Eriks lair. It was new years eve and she'd be damned if Erik was going to spend it moping around in his batcave. She was freezing cold as always and she briefly wondered why Erik lived underground in the first place. Christine ran her hands up and down her arms to keep herself warm.

The young singer heard something move behind her and she turned around to discover an enormous rat scurrying away. The question of why Erik lived underground once again popped into her mind.

After 15 minutes of walking, Christine finally reached the gondola.

Starburst27 read over what she just wrote.

"YAWN. BORE-FEST" she declared and she decided to finish the chapter in her usual, batshit crazy style.

Christine approached the gondola, decided that it wasn't badass enough for her, and climbed inside of her giant killer robot instead. Unfortunetly, when the robot walked to Eriks house, the opera was destroyed.

"aw fuck on a stick" christine swore.

and then Starburst27, being a lazy whore, ended the chapter because she didn't like where it was going.

* * *

**I don't like this chapter.**


	27. GODDAMNIT

_**SO LIKE....THE LAST CHAPTER WAS BORING AMIRITE?!?**_

_**YEAH. IT WAS. **_

_**SO LIEK....I WAS GONNA HAVE AN AWESOME CHAPTER PREPARED FOR YOU GUYS.**_

_**AND I WAS ALMOST FINISHED WITH IT. **_

_**IT WAS AWESOME....IT HAD AUNT ANDREW IN IT.**_

_**AND I WAS ALL LIKE "I REALLY LIKE THIS CHAPTER!"**_

_**AND THEN GUESS WHAT!**_

_**GUESS!**_

_**IT GOT FUCKING DELETED.**_

_**NOT**_

_**FUCKING**_

_**FAIR.**_


	28. why what have children ever done for me?

**HHHNNNUUUUUGH!

* * *

**Once upon a time, Eriks new son, Drake, walked up to him and tugged at his shirt.

"Daddy! I got dirt in my face! Daddy!" Sobbed Drake. Erik kneeled down to his level. and patted him on his head.

"Don't worry Drake. I'll clean it up for you." Said Erik and he took out a bottle of windex.

"Close your eyes dear" Said Erik. Drake closed him eyes and Erik sprayed his face with windex.

After allowing the windex to soak for a few seconds, Erik rubbed it off of his sons face. Drake smiled.

"Thank you daddy" he said and he waddled away innocently.

Erik smiled and shook his head. Kids could be so needy sometimes.

* * *

**PFFFFT! KIDS!**


	29. homophobe?

**I love spongebob.**

**The older episodes I mean. **

**The new ones suck.**

**

* * *

**One day, Erik, christine, and drake were sitting around. Erik was reading the newspaper and smoking a pipe while christine was doing her nails. Erik's New son, Drake was playing with his toy truck.

Drake looked up from his toys and turned to Erik.

"Daddy? You and mommy love eachother right?" he asked. Erik looked at him, confused, and then nodded.

"Yes. Yes we do." He said. Christine nodded and took a sip of her POWERTHIRST. (for women)

Drake paused for a moment.

"Well....Firmen and Andre love eachother too.....But their both guys..." Drake pointed out.

"erm...They just love eachother differently" Chrsitine explained.

"_DIFFERENTLY INDEED_!" Erik huffed and he exited the room angrily.

There was a long akward silence, and then everything resumed normally.

* * *

**Apparently Erik is a homophobe(?)**


End file.
